Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy for Angels
by Acsid
Summary: PG-13 just in case. An angel starts hitchhiking the galaxy and Agragag (I know I misspelled it) returns.
1. So Long And Thanks For All The Blessings

Angels know, of course, that the Earth is the center of the universe. They also know that the creatures born in their own image (but minus the wings to show angel's superiority) are the only creatures living. They have been told this by god. That doesn't make it any truer though.  
  
The angel was once a normal angel. A bit smarter than most maybe, but he sang the hosannas well enough. But he hung out with Char the crazy angel once too often.  
  
In every nest, dray, msjeiihblp, or other place of habitation there is an odd-bird. That was Char. He was a crazy angel who claimed there were other angel-like beings and also claimed that Earth was going to be demolished by creatures created in the image of no angel at all because no angel would be caught dead looking like that.  
  
No one took any notice of this drivel until an angel started off to the dimension of Earth only to find it gone. They called an emergency meeting. "It can't be gone. Wouldn't He have told us?" Michael looked miserable. The angel giggled. This was not the thing to do in this situation and the other angels glared. "But why destroy His only creation?" The angel giggled again. "Are you sure?" "What?" asked Gabriel, nonplussed. "That it's the only one." He stifled another giggle. "Forty-two my friends. He's playing silly buggers with the lot of you." The other angels shook their heads. "He's been talking to Char."  
  
The angel only grinned and stepped out of his dimension and into the void. He'd had his shot at enlightening them. He pumped his wings and began soaring across the infinite wastes of space. Eventually he bumped into a book with the words DON'T PANIC written on it in large friendly letters. He started pressing buttons at random. 


	2. Angels Don't Do That!

An immeasurable space of time later a ship materialized behind the angel and hit him in the head. Zaphod Beeblebrox president of the galaxy was onboard as were a last generation and almost last generation product of the biological computer popularly called the Earth. Their names were Arthur Dent and Trillian. A man who was from Beetleguise and not Guilford after all and was Zaphod's cousin, Ford Prefect, was on the bridge.  
  
Arthur was in a state of shock. This was nothing unusual, except for the fact that Ford Prefect was also gaping at the figure floating outside the bridge. The angel turned around and swore expressively, only to realize that this had very little effect without air to carry the sound. He was consumed in a blaze of light that deposited him on the bridge. He then continued his swearing. "Ford," Arthur said, "that is an angel." He glanced at Ford waiting to be told that, no, it was only a native of some planet or another and was therefore an unfamiliar weirdness he could tolerate and not a familiar weirdness he couldn't.  
  
"Don't be stupid monkey-man." Zaphod said. "It's," "Actually," the angel interrupted, "I am an angel." "What is an angel?" asked Zaphod as he felt annoyed that both Ford and Arthur seemed to think this was a revelation of gargantuan size and they were leaving him out. "A myth on Earth." Ford replied. Something was bothering Arthur besides his overwhelming need for tea. "Er, excuse me," he said nervously, "but aren't angels not supposed to swear?" The angel looked at him like he'd gone crazy. "I just got hit by a ship and I have a mega-headache. Swearing is normally outside the job description, but I'd say it was justified."  
  
"What are you doing here?" Ford asked. The angel had relaxed and was wandering about the ship poking various buttons. "Well, this nutter was babbling on about other worlds and the big man upstairs is quite insistent that there aren't any. I thought I'd take a quick look, and wham bang! There are. I figured there're two options. God's a clueless blighter who can't tie his shoes or he's playing silly buggers with us. Now, I've met His kid and talked to Him a bit, and I didn't think option number one was likely. Tried to tell a few others, they said I was round the bend. Seemed a bit daft, just sitting around singing hosannas and reading bad novels when there were whole worlds out there so I left. And I found this book." He waved a copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. "All clear?" Ford blinked. This threw Arthur completely off balance. "What?" Arthur said desperately. Zaphod shrugged. "Cool."  
  
Trillian came onto the bridge and froze. "Zaphod," she said, "Is that an.angel?" The angel banged his head on a convenient wall. "I need a drink." Ford smiled. Now this was something he could help with. "C'mon, I've got some Janx Spirits. We can let Arthur try to explain it; it'll occupy them till we get back." Arthur sputtered in indignation. "Angels don't drink!" he yelled after their retreating backs. 


	3. You Did What!

Trillian blinked at Arthur. "Let me see if I have this right," she said slowly, "we ran into an angel who left heaven to look for other universes and that angel is now..." "Having a drink with Ford." Arthur finished. Trillian shook her head. "We'd better find them." "How?" Arthur asked. He was forever getting lost on the ship. Trillian sighed. "There's a button."  
  
They were playing a popular drinking game* that Ford tended to lose. He was, in fact, in the process of losing again. The angel grinned smugly at the very drunk Ford. "I won," he slurred. Ford glanced desperately at the door through the haze of alcohol. "S'not fair. Your 'n angel. Got heavenly- heavenly powers." The angel looked smug. "Didn' use them. You've got to. S' the rules." Ford gulped and nodded. The angel grinned an extremely unangelic grin and shuddered as the alcohol left his system. "I want to be sober for this." Ford blinked. "Not-not fair. Do angels get hangovers?" The angel shook his head. "No." Then he shot Ford a look not unlike a Jinxian Tiger just before it pounces on some unsuspecting tourists who stopped to pet it. Ford staggered up reluctantly closely followed by the angel.  
  
The ship crashed into a world that quite simply appeared out of nowhere. Zaphod and Trillian both turned to Arthur. "Er," he said, "er, I guess that wasn't the right button..." Trillian sighed "Let's go see where we are, Zaphod." Ford and the angel both chose that moment to make their entrance. Ford looked like he'd been beaten over the head with a brick. The angel looked like he was trying not to laugh. "I can't believe you did that." Ford winced. "Never speak of it again." Zaphod raised three eyebrows at the two. They both ignored this. Ford glanced at Arthur. "Let me guess," he said, "you broke something." Arthur opened is mouth to say, no I didn't break it exactly, but Zaphod, Trillian Ford, and the angel were already walking to the air lock. "I didn't really break it, you know." He commented plaintively. Marvin ignored him. Arthur sighed and followed the others.  
  
Eddies was refusing to open the hatch again. Zaphod was seriously considering the ax option when the angel broke in, "Why don't you ask, Ford." Ford shot him a glare that would have made the ravenous bugblatter beast of traal reconsider. The angel just smiled innocently. Ford sighed and said, "Please open the door, Eddie." Eddie then giggled. "Oh," he stammered, "all right." He giggled again and Ford winced. Zaphod stared at Ford. "What'd you do to the computer man?" Ford shuddered. "I don't want to talk about it." The angel giggled. Ford glared at everybody else in the ship and stalked out. The others followed at a distance, except the angel who seemed impervious to Ford's bad temper. Arthur paused. "Does this look familiar?" He was ignored as usual, which was a pity because in this case the question was entirely justified.  
  
* The game where you use telekinetic powers to tip the drink into your opponent's glass until the bottle was empty. Then the loser had to do something, usually obscenely biological. Ford usually didn't mind losing. 


End file.
